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Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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Joke Posted at 02:14:22 AM CST
If Santa Answered Letters Honestly
Submitted by December 17, 2001 edition of BrentButler.com Jokes

Dear Santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

____________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

____________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

____________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa

____________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

____________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

Blog Entry Posted at 10:38:36 AM CST
Ding Fries Are Done!
Is it old? Yes. Do I care? No.

nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah
da da da da
da da da da

da da da da
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da

I work at burger king making flame broiled whoppers
I wear paper hats
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done

I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run

Don't fuck with fries in hot fat
it really hurts bad
and so do skin grafts
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Where is the bell?
Wait for the bell
Can't hear the bell
Where is the bell?

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done

I work at burger king making flame broiled whoppers
I wear paper hats
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Diiiing friiiiies aaaaare dooooooone

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