| Submitted by December 24, 2001 edition of BrentButler.com Jokes Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in your house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa." Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." While he's on the roof, yell up to Santa, asking if he'd mind adjusting your TV antenna. When he does so, tell him, "That's good" and don't let him move until the commercials come on. | 
