| Mike was telling his buddy about his recent divorce. "Religious reasons, man." "What?" "Yeah, she divorced me for her religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn't have any." ----- One day, a man went to a flower shop. He wanted to know what he should get his wife for their anniversary. The owner pulled out a bird and said, "His name's Chet. Light a match under his left leg and he sings Happy Anniversary. Light a match under his right leg and he sings Happy Birthday." Since the man wasn't a very good shopper, he took it instead of flowers. He took it home to his wife, and she loved it. She lit a match under his left leg and he sang "Happy Anniversary." Then, she lit one under his right leg, and he started singing "Happy Birthday." She was so pleased, but then she wondered, "What would happen if I lit a match under both of his legs?" So she did. Chet started singing, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..." | 
