Bottle Feeding: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too

Defense: what you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to let de children play outside

Drooling: how teething babies wash their chins

Dumbwaiter: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

Family Planning: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots

Full Name: what you call your child when you're mad at him

Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right

Hearsay: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

Impregnable: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid

Independent: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

Look Out!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

Prenatal: when your life was still somewhat your own

Prepared Childbirth: a contradiction in terms

Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

Show Off: a child who is more talented than yours

Sterilize: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

Storeroom: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything

Temper Tantrums: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children

Thunderstorm: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed

Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

Two-Minute Warning: when the baby's face turns red and he or she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

Verbal: able to whine in words

Weaker Sex: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out

Whodunit: none of the kids that live in your house

Whoops: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge"