* Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

* ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

* If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

* If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

* Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.

* Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

* Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

* You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

* Crying is blackmail.

* Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one, subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

* No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

* Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

* Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

* Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

* Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

* Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

* Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).

* Check your oil.

* It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

* No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

* Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

* If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

* Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

* You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

* If it itches, it will be scratched.

* Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

* If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!