Use her bra as a slingshot. Tell her it was too small.

Convince her that you're having an affair. Once you've got her thoroughly convinced, say you were just kidding.

Ask why she doesn't fill up with water when she takes a bath.

Re-arrange the dishes in the cabinets.

Tell her you're thinking about becoming a dairy farmer and you need to practice on her.

Tie her to the bed, describe all the erotic things you plan to do. Then go bowling.

Ask her how she prepared a meal. If she wants to know why you want to know, say "So I don't make the same mistakes."

Tell her YOU have a headache, but you're willing to suffer with it through sex just to please her.

Imitate her having an orgasm while dining out.

Fake your own orgasm while dining out.

Tell her you've applied for the position of blowjob inspector at the nearest whorehouse.

After sex tell her the doctor assured you it isn't contagious. Then faint.

Say, "Hell no that dress doesn't make your ass look fat. You've got a fat ass, that's the problem."