BEFORE - Twice a night.
AFTER - Twice a month.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever.
AFTER - Monday Night Football.

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream.
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem.

BEFORE - Turbocharged.
AFTER - Jumpstart.

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret.
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom.

BEFORE - Charming and Noble.
AFTER - Chernobyl.

BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs.
AFTER - Ball and chain.

BEFORE - Idol.
AFTER - Idle.

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino.
AFTER - Bagel and instant.

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - Oysters.
AFTER - Fishsticks.

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion.
AFTER - Ration.

BEFORE - Once upon a time...
AFTER - The end.