You know the name, don't you? Sauder? The "build it yourself" furniture made of hardened oatmeal. It's covered with some sort of plastic so that, from a distance (say, from the Moon) it could fool someone into thinking it's wood.

That's all I've been doing for the last two days: putting together their "Model 2985 Looks Like Wood But Is Really Concentrated Toxic Waste Bookcases."

The most worrisome part of the instructions is towards the end when you've got all of the sides and shelves together (some 80 pounds of hardened toxic oatmeal plus another 20 pounds of metal fasteners) when the instructions WARN you (complete with skull and crossbones) NOT to lift the unit because it may collapse. You must FIRST lay it *gently* on its face and nail the CARDBOARD back to it.

Three ounces of laminated cardboard will make your new bookcase structurally sound.